A share from my Facebook page today….
I knew enough to know that what psychiatry called psychosis, paranoia and other “extreme states” were a stress response so I didn’t “buy into” those ideas…I never reported those experiences to the “providers”. What I didn’t know though…was that the “mania” was caused by the drugs they gave me for the “depression” that was caused by the stimulants they gave me for “adhd” which was actually PTSd on steriods. Learning to frame my experiences in the context of life allows me to learn the life skills to well, have a life outside of the idea that I’m broken and defective. I ended up victim to the lie of psychiatry because I believed that when I sought help to stop re creating abusive relationships in my life I was told that the problem was not that I was being abused but that I was the problem.
The spiral down for me began when I was told that my normal reactions to being abused were a disease.
This in turn left me helpless to stop the abuse and in fact allowed it to continue and perpetuate these power/control dynamics to my children.
We are told to “tell” when others are hurting us.
Yet when we do tell and are then told “what did you do to make them hit/hurt you”…?
Or when we are taught “there are two sides to every story so lets see what you need to do differently to MAKE the abuse and mistreatment stop”….
Not. Helpful.
At all.
There is no negotiating with those who are hurtful.
It does make sense to put out the effort to work things out…
But the truth of the matter is….
Is when we approach dysfunctional relationships with the tools that work in functional relationships….we often end up re-victimized because we are doing what we are told by the professionals…like…..
”When you ______ I feel ________ and I’d like you to do/not do ____________”.
In healthy relationships this becomes a healthy respectful negotion; a place where ones thoughts and feelings are respected. A time where we have an opportunity to show we care by caring about each others feelings.
In dysfunction though?
The one we are asking to respect our feelings will most often turn this around and make it about you and how it is your fault they can’t change, why they are hurting you….
In the end – trying to work things out with someone who is coming from a history of dysfunction often ends up with the victim being re victimized and made responsible for the situation.
The idea that it is possible to “negotiate” with someone to stop being abusive….is absurd.
Why?
Because the issue becomes about them sidestepping the issue by somehow changing the subject, becoming defensive, argumentative…
We often walk away wondering if WE are the crazy one.
So when we turn to a mental health system that does not acknowledge their own power plays and dysfuntion – how can we expect to get approproiate support to become healthy self empowered individudals?
The change for me came when I learned how to put my foot down about the way others were treating me while letting go of what they decided to do with the limits I was setting for myself.
Learning to say “no” is one thing.
Learning to stand my ground about no longer being mistreated another.
This – was how I finally broke free of the cycle of being that doormat that had kept me feeling “crazy” for so many years.
This – was when I finally saw that the “mental health” system….?
Is pretty much clueless about “mental health”.
